Posted by: wifiguy on 05/13/2004 21:19:44

Twice during the three-week tour so far, I have had the chance to stop by the pool and catch up on some writing for the Wi-Fi Guy blog.

Good thing, it was just announced that The Wi-Fi Guy has been nominated for “The whitest guy in California” award.

So I am sitting here typing by the pool, and playing “Marco Pop-Up” with all of the bothersome ads that splash onto my screen.

I just finished my weekly radio call-in interview with David Johnson, on his noon radio show at KRLD talk/news, back in Dallas. The Sacramento Bee columnist Bob Shallit interviewed me yesterday and is planning to run an article. And Channel 13 TV, (CBS) has done a piece. So, all in all, from a media perspective, Sacramento has been good to The Wi-Fi Guy.

As my reward, I decided to treat myself to a little sun and soaking … although I am working simultaneously. That’s about as good as it gets lately … that I reward myself with only doing two things at once, instead of three or four.

Just beyond the fence is the raised bank of the river. If you glance over the wooden fence, you see the joggers and cyclists touring the river park. The jogging path, on the raised bank, is at exactly the right height to create an optical illusion. When a runner passes, it looks like a gnome — about 2 feet high — jogging on the top of the fence. I guess you’d have to be here, seriously. It is weird and you don’t even have to squint one eye …

So … like I’m sitting at the La Quinta pool in Sacramento, playing “Marco-Pop-Up,” and I strike up a conversation with the Pool Guy. … Just two “guys” chatting.

Pool Guy has his hands full, because we are less than a quarter of a mile from the river, which is lined with cottonwoods. They are blooming now, so the air looks like a snow globe in the hands of a hyperactive child.

The surface of the water appears to be down covered, like a bird bath in molting season, but it is actually a thin layer made of the little white bits of cotton.

The water, beneath the cotton layer is clear. Pool Guy is good. He really knows his Ph! I admire anyone who takes their job seriously and works hard to do a good job. He has worked on pools for eight years.

But — in between the chlorine concoctions and the cotton skimming — “Let’s brush up on the guest relations skills” ever so slightly.

Pool Guy is nice and conversational, and loves to talk about the balancing act required to get the water’s content just right. One man’s pool maintenance is another man’s Wi-Fi.

But, in a most classic case of “too much information,” Pool Guy also discussed the foam in the hot tub, sparing no details. (Wait; get your minds out of the gutter.)

See the foam around the top,” Pool Guy said. “That’s from all of the lipstick and makeup that people wear … suntan lotion … and from when people bathe in there.”

I thought he meant soak, like the natural accompaniment to sun bathing. He went on …

“The homeless people get in there and bathe.”

Stop! I really didn’t want to know that. All this time, my sponsor has been plopping down hotel fare and I could have been sleeping in the SUV and bathing for free!?!

No seriously … Oh, why oh why, didn’t he tell me the homeless hygiene story before I soaked in the sauna?

I am as kind-hearted as the next guy, and I have seen countless examples of the homeless situation in every city I have visited. But that doesn’t mean I want to be soaking in it.

At Malibu, last week, I walked along the beach one morning and saw two women headed for the sand from the highway, crossing in front of me. They proceeded around the bend, behind an old burned out dock. As I rounded the bend too, they were bathing alright. They were soaping up and rinsing off, pouring ocean water on themselves with a bucket – apparently taking turns as the other held up a towel for a curtain. Pretty sad.

I have seen many and talked to a few homeless people on this trip. Thank God they have warm weather here and great people who feed them. There were quite a few homeless people on the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica … sleeping on the benches by day; traveling with their shopping carts at night. Perhaps the local favorite: “Bird Man” — who rides up and down the Promenade making bird calls, shirtless and wearing a big gardeners straw hat with leather string. Woody Woodpecker seems to be tops on his playlist. (Actually, my sources tell me he is well off and chooses this line of work.)

In one encounter, the situation was sad, but funny at the same time (because I am being honest) … I met a homeless gentleman near a beach north of San Diego. I parked about a block from the beach, and just stepped around the Wi-Fi Mobile to make sure I was close enough to the curb.

The yard next to the vehicle had luscious, yet wild, jungle looking landscaping, with a variety of palms and yucca and cacti … you name it. I am looking at the wild beauty and this guy crawls out from under some palm-looking branch.

“It really is a microcosm in there. There are spiders … big spiders …and lizards,” he mutters. “It is really a microcosm of Guam in there. Just like Guam …” The gentleman was way too tan, and his eyes said he had seen many battles waged between drinking and substances. I make light of the situation, but felt so sorry for him. Who knows how he arrived at this stage in life.

I had a bag of bagels in the truck and offered one to the guy. Get this. He says “no” to a poppy seed bagel because it could “cause him to flunk a drug test”. How bizarre!

I gave him a couple of bucks and told him “not to spend it all in one microcosm.”

Stay tuned!