As I considered ideas for the testflight of PingWi-Fi, the news of American, Delta, Virgin and other airlines adding in-flight Wi-Fi put a formidable blip on my radar. However, when Travelocity pinged me with an e-mail touting a $150-roundtrip to Florida sunshiny goodness … well … “Please pass the tanning butter!”

Travelocity – despite their gnome – is awarded 6 pings for alerting me to the fact that travel is still affordable.

The econo-flight was booked on U.S. Airways. Call me the eternal optimist — although there had been no announcements of such — I was secretly hoping U.S. Airways might be testing Wi-Fi on my flight. It could happen. It didn’t.

The day before the flight, I placed a call to the PR types at the airline. I talked briefly with Derek Hanna and alas, my hopes for Wi-Fi were dashed. So, I headed for orange country without connectivity on board a crowded flight. (Travel tough or go home.) But, I guess I made an important connection. In the back pages of U.S. Airways’ in-flight magazine, cleverly called U.S. Airways Magazine, there was a brief interview of Derek Hanna (spelled like the cartoon genius, Derek had pointed out to me earlier … oh and also like the impending storm, I interjected.) Hmmm …. The article identified Derek as a flight attendant. I guess he wears two hats. I can relate.

Speaking of two jobs — there is also an article on Queen guitarist Brian May who has his Ph.D. in astrophysics. Dang, file that under “we will rock you and your universe” — http://www.usairwaysmag.com/

So .. with my elbows pushed into my ribs and an unruly three-year-old using the armrest beside me as a make-believe guillotine or whatever, I finished up a previous blog. Then it hit me. Not a great idea … a derriere, and it belonged to the flight attendant. Okay, I could cut the guy some slack if it happened once. But, first he was engrossed in conversation with a passenger across the aisle from me, so he parked his tailfin right in my airspace. Then – “just doing his job” – he bumped into me and my laptop on the subsequent 5-6 passes through the cabin. Finally, I unfolded my knee from the tiny area under my seat tray, and extended it slightly into the aisle. During the attendant’s next approach, he complained that I was blocking the aisle. Frankly, I was a little more terse than I should have been. But, if you endanger a man’s laptop, you’re messing with his livelihood, right? I fired back that “I was merely blocking for self defense” since he had banged me on the previous flybys. Oh, he didn’t like that … and of course all the other passengers who had missed the demolition derby with the food cart, immediately surmised that I was quite the jerk.

But … a second attendant swooped in, striking up a conversation about the odd photos of the Cadillac Ranch and Combine City, showing on my screen. We bonded, as she told me about Carhenge. See http://www.carhenge.com/.

We talked about Wi-Fi in-flight and the day was saved. In fact, another passenger piped in that she was a retired Southwest Airlines flight attendant, and that she was concerned about in-flight connectivity. Have you heard the issue? Apparently one of the flight attendant unions is worried there will be an outbreak of pornography, coming to a laptop near you, if Wi-Fi is added to flights. People, please! Of course it may happen … just like it might now with magazines. Have some common sense.

The “bumpy,” porn-free flight from Dallas Fort Worth International Airport to my connecting flight in Charlotte, N.C. gets two pings – no Wi-Fi, not even a free drink of water, but some good conversation among the more amiable flight attendants in the rear of the plane saved face.

(Interesting: my itinerary from Travelocity didn’t mention the connecting flight on the way to Florida, although it clearly mentioned the connection on my return to Texas.)

Oh well … by this time I had nursed my wounds and was in a better mood. So, I will call the stop in Charlotte, N.C. a pleasant surprise. And why is that?

Yes! Free Wi-Fi and lots of it – provided by the airport. I de-boarded, got right on line about 10 feet from the gate, uploaded a blog entry and some photos, and had time to grab a sandwich at Starbucks. (Note – the sandwich prices were unmarked … and what is the old saying? “If you have to ask the price, you probably can’t afford it.)

Charlotte-Douglas International Airport – the largest hub for U.S. Airways was there for me when I needed it. A near-perfect score – 6 of 7 pings for excellent connectivity.

So I jumped back on the same plane and landed in Orlando. My final destination was actually Jacksonville, but I decided to explore the coastline on the road. But first, I checked out a traffic circle of sorts, near the Orlando airport, just brimming with hotels and Wi-Fi. Just north of the airport on Augusta National Drive there is a scrum featuring, but not limited to, Amerisuites, Fairfield Inn, Hawthorn Suites, Hilton Garden Inns, Mariott and Sheraton Suites.

I poked my head inside the Sheraton Suites. Yes there was Wi-Fi, but they expected me to shell out 10 bucks. That’s not bad for a day rate, but I was just doing a quick probe.

The signal at Sheraton Suites was strong in the lobby – which featured a comfortable setting and lots of high-definition political coverage, but it was a case of right place at the wrong time — four pings.

Just around the corner so to speak was the Marriott. I struck out there, when I attempted to find Wi-Fi in their lobby, and I believe I saw an in-house Starbucks that was closed. No score.

There was quite a collection of hotels and hotspots … more than I could explore at that point.

Then, as I was about to pack up for the day, my Apple iPhone detected another Wi-Fi hotspot. Don’t be hatin me … I only report what I find. There was a newcomer in the Wi-Fi arena – Hooters. Suddenly, I realized I was hungry for a chicken snack. Actually, I hadn’t eaten, in a few hours, so what the heck.

Sidebar: speaking of dubious taste and skimpy outfits … have you seen “The Hoff” of Baywatch fame in the news again?

http://www.azcentral.com/sports/ua/articles/2008/09/09/20080909p2main0910.html

I digress …

For the record, I spent all my time talking to the manager, not the wait staff. Graham Firth, the manager, is a Brit and a nice guy. He said his restaurant had added Wi-Fi just two months prior, so he was still monitoring the behavior of the laptop-types. I noticed a professional couple with their computer out,

Graham Firth

working, nearby. Firth’s observations? At first, he thought everyone was drawn to one area of the restaurant because of the Wi-Fi sign on the window. (Hmmm … makes sense …) Then he realized the popular tables also had electrical outlets. I concur. Everyone knows free Wi-Fi and free electricity go together like chicken wings and Wet Wipes. Next, he mentioned that on most days Wi-Fi users were the minority. That is, until a local sporting event was only available on the Internet. That night, he said, the sports bar was wall-to-wall laptops and smart phones.

Hooters adds Wi-Fi to their clever tricks to entice the population to eat the normally discarded parts of the flightless bird … a five-piece bucket of pings for Hooters.

I knocked back some bird, cleaned myself off and loaded up for the 2.5 hour drive north to Jacksonville.

My quick look at Wi-Fi near the Orlando Airport – a fly-by-night 4 pings.

Know what I sayin?