Via the magic of Wi-Fi, a promotional calendar for Dallas/Fort Worth music events just popped up in my e-mail, so I opened it to see what’s on tap for the holidays.
Up popped Neil Diamond and a blurb about his 50th Anniversary Tour … Ha … a vision of “cougars” on the prowl danced in my head. (The show is not until July … So I hope I can “un-see” those images by then.)
Neil Diamond — an interesting case — in my mind an artist whose music I kinda hate … IMHO just too crooning-mellow-romantic-introspective for my tastes. Howeva … howeva … there was a time when Neil was a rocker. Did you know this? Another sad turn of events, kind of like the BeeGees making good music before they overdosed on Disco … I digress-es-es …
Others refer to Diamond as “The Jewish Elvis.”
Personally, I can’t think of Neil Diamond without remembering a punk band in Amarillo — naturally, called The Amatones — who used to do a punkish cover of “Cherry, Cherry.” It worked really well.
Even further back, my oldest brother played in a garage band back in the day, and he turned me on to his Neil Diamond 45 single and I have it on iTunes to this day, “Thank The Lord For The Nighttime.” I have a story about the B-side too … So … I have a free PingWi-Fi t-shirt for the first person who can tell me the song on the flipside of “Thank The Lord …” (J. Nick Patoski, you are disqualified because I bet you still have the 45 …)
Here’s a hint. It ain’t “Reggae Strut” or “Crunchy Granola Suite” although those are the B-sides from some others Diamond gems. Here’s the funny part. I looked for this B-side song on iTunes and Google for years, based on some bad information. I had misunderstood the lyrics!
I have always been the world’s worst at “understanding” the wrong lyrics. For example, for years, I thought the Eagles sang “It’s a girl my lord in a bright red Ford.” Ha … It gets worse. I interviewed a Tex-Beach-Mex artist named Joe King Carrasco back in the day, and asked him about my favorite line from one of his songs … “peyote tengo, ariba-riba” He looked at me a little stunned, and said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about … but hey, that’s a good line.”
I think it would translate something like “I have some party cactus, we better go now” 🙂 I digress …
Ha … I can’t even tell you what I thought Joe King was saying in his “Person Person” video.
So, from the time I was eight years old until recently, I thought that this Neil Diamond B-side song in question said something about “a bear out there.” When I was a kid, I loved the song “about the bear” and sadly, tried to sing it. I found it recently. There’s nothing about a bear. Here is the actual lyric: “Had to go, had to know all there was out there.” Hey … I was just a kid.
So, given my roots rockin preference, I have skipped over the “Hello Agains” and “December Mornings” and “You Don’t Bring Me Flowerz-z-z-z” that should pack the cougars in the house at ND shows.
Ha … “Cracklin Rose” is borderline for me just because I always wonder what in the hell that’s all about … (it’s wine …)
“Shilo” … kinda creepy.
“Solitary Man” … had some rock implications. (His first single, 1966.)
“Girl You’ll Be A Woman Soon” … now there’s a controversial song title. I wonder, do feminists protest or throw their unmentionables at a Diamond show when he sings this song?
Then there is that most unlikely of sports arena sing alongs … sing it, “Oh-oh-oh … good times never seemed so good.” How in the world did that become a sports song? Purportedly, the Chicago Cubs used it first. Baseball? Diamond? Is that the connection? Penn State was on the song early on too, but thought better of singing “Sweet Caroline” after their infamous scandal. Hmmm???
Do you know how the song originated? Ha … it was recorded in Memphis, at American Sound Studio … no doubt a studio named by Beavis and B-Head … think about it … Not to be confused with The AAC — The American Airlines Center in Dallas that will host Diamond’s upcoming show. Anyway … Pretty interesting history:
So much Neil Diamond to discuss and so little time. One last thought: my only Neil Diamond encounter. Flashback a few years and the city of Fort Worth was smack dab in a downtown revitalization, most notable the resurgence of Sundance Square compliments of the city’s billionaire Bass clan. I was doing PR for Sundance Square when it was announced that AMC Theaters would go against the movies-in-the-burbs trend and build a multi-screen venue in Downtown Fort Worth.
To promote the grand opening, we set the bar high and had cameo appearances by the governor of Texas, the architect, local dignitaries and a few celebrities. There was a lot of positive media coverage from the event, even though the “big” premiere was “For The Boys.” The Divine Ms. M starred and Arye Gross was in it … coincidentally, I met Arye wandering around on the street that night. He had no idea the film was showing. He was in town shooting some B movie horror flick. Ha … I didn’t believe him at first, when he told me who he was … and I asked for ID. Nice.
We made The Wall Street Journal … I digress …
So about Neil and the movie theater … A few months later the PR team was trying to keep the momentum going for the theater and someone had the great idea to host a real, live wedding inside the lobby of the theater in conjunction with the opening of Steve Martin’s “Father of the Bride.” We even had a girls choir singing, going up the escalators inside the lobby one at a time, on wedding day … Great idea.
But a couple of days before the wedding, I thought it just needed a little more somethin somethin. I heard that Neil Diamond was playing in Fort Worth the same day as the wedding, a few blocks away in the convention center. How romantic!, I thought … or perfect. How about we get Neil to croon to the charming couple. I got on the phone to Diamond’s handlers, and they would have none of it. “Mr. Diamond’s schedule is set months in advance.”
“Well shucks … I didn’t know they were going to get married,” I thought.
One must persevere, especially in the PR world, to get one’s desire. The day of the wedding and the concert, I slipped out of the office and walked down the street to the convention center. Ha … I guess Neil was no Beatle, or maybe his groupies were still passed out somewhere because security was anything but tight. I walked in the back door, entered stage left … and there was the radiant one … the Diamond … singing alone on stage (or specifically to me, I like to think) … Just Neil and I on stage and pretty much no one else in the place other than a few sound engineers trying to get the mix just right in the back of the hall.
After a couple of songs, some handler saw me and sauntered over to find out just what in the heck I was doing. I can’t remember if celebrity stalking was a thing yet … but regardless they probably thought I was down with that. To have Neil Diamond just pop in and sing a song at some random couple’s wedding … What a nice touch! It sounded just like one of those heartwarming little things celebrities do for the common man from time to time (which usually result in really good publicity) … It would have been a great PR feather in my cap, but honestly, I really wanted to make it happen for the bride and groom … to make a very special wedding memory.
Quickly, I presented my request.
But as Neil’s song says, “Nuthin ever seems to turn out the way it should …” And I never heard from them again.
Know what I sayin?
