What did people “not hang” their clothes on in hotels, before the invention of the fire sprinkler in rooms?
Ponder that while I give the 3Q report … my findings from three La Quinta hotels in rapid succession. As you may have read, first the Dirty Gig took me to some coastal flooding hotspots near NASA, up Houston/Clear Lake way. Ha … we were already working in flood stricken areas before the Great Texas Memorial Day Flood of ’15.
As disaster relief tends to be, it was seven days a week, and long days for the first three weeks. Ironically, our first half-day off was Memorial Day. It flooded that morning, and a tornado hit the other side of Houston and then after a few hours of flooding, the sky simmered down and with a few hours off, PingWi-Fi headed for Kemah — The Texas Gulf Coast’s answer to Coney Island albeit much smaller … still fun.
So about the 3Qs … The first La Quinta in in Seabrook, Texas was nice enough … Nothing fancy, but close to NASA and near the flooded apartment complex where we were working. The Wi-Fi was more than adequate, allowing me to stream Game Of Thrones with my brand new HBONow set up. BTW, that is the greatest service from HBO since Musical Jukebox, the precursor of MTV.
But what really, really stood out at the LQ in Seabrook was a new friend — a young woman from Lithuania with a degree in hotel management. La Quinta, take note, you are wasting talent with the lady working the night shift. Don’t tell anyone, but one evening when I was tired after a 13-hour shift, and about to wash my laundry … she did the wash for me in the hotel laundry that is typically reserved for those paper-thin white bath towels. Yep … She said it would help her to pass the time … and she didn’t ruin any of my shirts. The downside … Ha … perhaps I become too familiar. A few nights later when my employer had more people on location than there were vacancies at the hotel, my Lithuanian friend asked if I would mind if some stranger with the same logo on their t-shirt slept in the extra bed in my double Q-size room. She was so nice … I considered it for a second. But, nyet. There were other hotels. Plus why would I knowingly expose anyone to the buzzsaw snoring phenomena that is me?
Just as I had started to bond and feel comfortable at Q1, it was off to Q2, a considerably older La Quinta northwest of Houston’s Uptown Area. The Dirty Gig took me out of the flooded apartment dwellings to the basement of a nice highrise business complex off Post Oak Lane. Nice real estate, and yes, I snatched up some free Wi-Fi from the building management group, though there was little time to chat, text, post or selfie. This time the Dirty Gig had me rescuing soggy document files from the flooded basement. Note to businesses … don’t store important records in basements.
Q2 had Wi-Fi, but the signal was weak in my room … as was the housekeeping. I get so tired of playing the “card game” with housekeeping. You know … that green card printed with a load of PR crap about saving the planet one dirty sheet at a time if you forego getting clean linens. Well until the melted ice caps are up around my neck, I will always exercise my right to clean sheets in a strange hotel. But regardless, I have to find the green card and leave it on my pillow — every night — or the maid ignores the room, smokes an extra cigarette with the spare time and helps save the planet in one swift motion. So they would have you believe. Ha … pretty sure the maid hides the card purposefully to avoid any extra effort and resulting cleanliness in my crib. What a fun little game of hide and seek.
But then why should the housekeeper care about cleanliness and my wellbeing? This LQ was nas-Tay. If you were wondering, yes, there are still smoking hotels left in this otherwise forward-thinking society, and me — the guy allergic to cancer-causing tobacco — was smack dab in the middle of one. Man the place reeked! I tried it for a few days, then finally called foul and requested a move for my health. The company moved me to another hotel. After a couple of days, I could breathe again.
This time, my Wi-Fi and sometimes clean sheets were provided by Courtyard Houston, in the Westchase section, on Westheimer. Much, much nicer … although it is only the Wi-Fi that matters to me. I streamed several episodes of Mad Men at Courtyard, and the Wi-Fi network never let me down. And … yet another encounter with a front desk professional who went above and beyond the call of duty — upgrading me to a bigger nicer room … ha … I forgot why. I am sure I had some good reason.
OH … the rudest thing happened at Courtyard. There is a security gate in the parking lot, one that requires incoming guests to swipe their hotel keycard to activate. No problem, but as I did that, I noticed some little red, rental-car-looking vehicle sneak in behind me. I didn’t think much of it, as I approached an empty parking spot and prepared to back in. Guess where the impatient little S%*t in the red car parked. Yes … he whipped into the spot I was backing into, even though there were several open ones nearby. Have I mentioned I was really tired after some four weeks of 7-day work and long hours? I backed up to his bumper, honked, hopped out and went and banged on the window. There is no reason to treat other people so discourteously … and I pointed that out to him in less poetic terms.
He jumped out, and I supposed realized I was serious, and he muttered a few things as he walked to the safety of the hotel. The gist of his not-so-well-thought-out defense — how could he know that I wanted the parking spot into which I was backing? I think the nicest thing I said, was that “If you slowed your dumb ass down, it would have been pretty obvious.” He huffed and fled. Oh well … some stressed out salesman, still on the road after 30-years of mediocre performance. I tip my cap to him, and I forgive. He was gone the next day. Off to spread more joy and goodwill, I am sure.
The stay at Courtyard was a nice visit, but short-lived. After a few days of packing soggy-docs into boxes and shipping them back to Fort Worth for restoration, I got a call on my way to work one morning. “Go back to the hotel, and check out. You’re going to Austin today.” Ha … I felt so honored to be given enough notice to avoid getting charged for the room. I loaded my rental car, hid the green card from the housekeeper and headed to The ATX … for more Texas Flood (thank you very much Stevie Ray).
In Austin, the team was taking on more water damage in yet another apartment complex. Nothing I hadn’t seen before. But get this. The Austin Dirty Gig was one mile from my favorite place in Austin, the North Lamar SquareRüt location. But actually, when I got my first relaxed evening, I headed to SquareRüt 1.0, the first kava bar in Texas on South Congress. And yes, the Wi-Fi at SRüt is impeccable and there is usually an open seat.
That reminds me … what is up with Starbucks and their war on people who like to hang out at their coffee shops? Remember all the grand PR messages and resulting articles about Starbucks being your “office away from the office?” More and more I am seeing Starbucks evolve into a drive through window business, with a few token chairs so they can still call themselves a shop.
In Austin, I toured one of the best retail areas I have seen in the 48 contiguous states — The Domain off Mopac and Burnett — and the wonderfully placed, convenient Starbucks there has about 10 lame and impressively uncomfortable seats. What a colossal fail! On twitter, I posed the rhetorical topic, to boycott or not to boycott. But wouldn’t staying out of the coffee shop to protest the lack of good seating give Starbucks exactly what they want. Nope … I will continue to take up space, and blog away from whatever crappy chairs they provide. I digress … In addition to excellent Wi-fi, the bux had the second fastest barista in the country, based on some Starbucks internal completion. You should see this guy sling some caffeine!
So … on to the third and final Q of this story — La Quinta on North Mopac in Austin, near the afore mentioned Starbucks and next door to Whole Foods Market — a place teeming with rainbow chard, fluoride-free toothpaste, a craft beer happy hour and yes, Wi-Fi. It is a toss up. Which attracts the more enthusiastic foodies, Whole Foods or Central Market? Ha … I like to time how long said foodies will park their basket, blocking the entire aisle to read ingredients on every container within their reach. But, I do enjoy the prepared meals. Don’t tell Austin legend Franklin’s BBQ that I bet the average person, blindfolded couldn’t distinguish Franklins’ from Whole Foods brisket, if heated to the same temperature … But … this is Austin, and like it or not, this has become the world headquarters of trend-followers hipsters … and you must do what you are told and like what is en vogue …. LOL. I digress …
So, this Q3 … La Quinta … what’s the old joke? You know La Quinta is español for “nextdoor to Denny’s right?” I think it is time to tweet about this and get the attention of corporate. The latest LQ is doing little to impress me in the bed linens category and today, they neglected to empty my trash … oh but they did leave a wet, dirty cloth on the counter where I eat … after it had cleaned who knows what? Lastly the Mopac La Quinta has a great example of a good idea being really outdated and therefore stupid. Some La Quinta decision maker restricted the volume on all of the televisions sets. Ha … It is kind of like driving a truck that has a governor on the accelerator allowing the driver to go 50 miles per hour in 70 m.p.h. zones. But I get it. It is an attempt to keep people like me from disturbing the empty room next to me. Sounds like a decent idea … except … The volume bar is set too low if you plug in a device to watch HBONow, for example. So, when I plugged my laptop into the TV to watch Game Of Thrones, I had to sit with my nose to the screen to hear the dragon roar. Someone didn’t think this through.
Oh … and back to kava. I took some new friends to SquareRüt … the outing made for great conversation because one of the friends has the most controversial job in America these days. Ha! He is the ballboy for a football team. He has the conference championship ring to show for his efforts … and I wager he probably knows as much about ball inflation as any college student you will ever meet. Imagine the thought provoking conversation of football inflation as we sipped our kava and our little group became increasingly conversational.
Know what I sayin?
